Says the one who's amused
by Scarletfire.z
Summary: AU In which Kanda cackles, Lavi screams like a wuss and Allen comments like a gay make-up artist. In a haunted house.


Why, _hello_ thar.

Warnings: _Shunatsu: One, beta'd by me. Beware. Read at your own risk._ Two, may contain a _tiny_ bit of spoiler for those who haven't watched Alice in Wonderland. Three, Kanda can be a little OOC in here. Four, failed attempt at horror D:

I do not own D. Gray-Man.

* * *

"Mmm... Dude, this is awesomely tasty-Ah, _shit_! Tissue! TISSUE! Someone get me a freakin'_ tissue_, dammit!" Lavi grasped frantically for anything that might help him to wipe off the melted chocolate dripping slowly and slowly from his mouth. He knew he should have listened to that random stranger he met in this fair who had specifically mentioned _not_ to dip the marshmellows in too much melted chocolate. But did he listen? Oh, _of course he did. _Otherwise he wouldn't have been in this sort of situation.

"Oh God! It's dripping from my chin now!_ Crap_!"

When no one decided to help him look for a tissue, his self-proclaimed best friend decided to shove a few pieces of tissue paper into his mouth to shut him up. And for a moment Lavi did shut the hell up, before spitting the tissues out. He used his free hand to wipe his mouth clean from the dirty smear.

"Thank you, Yuu." The red-head said in mock kindness, a forced smile tugging at his lips.

"No problem, dickhead." Kanda rolled his doe brown eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "Can we go now? Because the next thing I'll do is shove the white disgusting junk down your throat if you don't fucking hurry up."

Lavi gulped down the last bit of delicious marshmallows once Kanda finished with his threat.

"Okay, I'm done." Lavi smacked his lips together, suddenly detecting chocolate on his lips. "Hey. Got any more tissues?"

"No. Wipe it on your sleeves." Kanda said curtly.

"But this is my favourite shirt!" Lavi whined like a kid who was told that he can't have a rainbow-coloured llama for his birthday. "Or would you like to lick it off for me?" Lavi said slyly, his eyebrows wiggling in suggestion.

"Go screw yourself, you fag."

"Not without you."

"Drop dead."

Lavi faked a gasp, slapping his hands over his chest dramatically."You mean I'm _drop dead gorgeous_? Aw, shucks!"

"Lavi..." Kanda growled, making a choking motion with his hands.

"Okay, okay! We'll go your way now. To the haunted house!" Lavi exclaimed, pointing a finger at the direction of the said destination as he wiped his mouth on his sleeves, much to his displeasure.

Satisfied, Kanda smirked in a subtle manner. The only reason he loved haunted houses was because the looks of utter horror when people's eyes dilate, screaming in fear amused him very, _very_ much. Oh, and he got to scare the crap out of people with only a slight touch on their shoulders afterwards. Now _that_, was fun. It was one of Kanda's favourite past time actually.

He could literally _smell_ the fear from where he was standing now. And before he knew it, he started smiling maliciously, soon followed by evil cackles. Oh, hell yes, people. Kanda _cackled_.

Lavi stared warily as birds began dropping dead randomly from the sky.

-

Screams, screams and more screams made Kanda's heart pound with enthusiasm, adrenaline rushing through him with excitement. Lavi, on the other hand...

"Touch me and die. Touch me and die. Touch me and die." Lavi chanted rapidly, eyes darting everywhere.

Kanda stared at the empty sausage stick in his hands blankly. Should he or not should he, that is the question. He shrugged, and decided to poke Lavi's head with his stick.

Lavi screamed in shock, and Kanda flinched slightly at how high-pitched and _girly_ it sounded.

"_Dude_. We're not even inside, moron." Kanda stated flatly, tossing his stick into a garbage bin a few feet away. "And you scream like a fucking girl, you wuss."

"I would like to clarify that as a manly scream in fear, thank you very much."

"Why even bother following me if you're a coward for going in there?" The dark-haired teen pointed with his thumb to his back, referring to the haunted house right in front of them. Just a few more people to go, and they can fucking finally get inside. The queue was fucking mad; they've waited for almost an hour for this, Kanda mused.

"Why, cause you're my _bestest_ best friend! I'll be with you forever and _ever_ and ever--"

"Ticket please."

Kanda shoved his ticket to the kid who looked no older than 15 and stalked up the creaking wooden stairs and into the room of terror that was written on a bloodstained signboard, without bothering to wait for the stupid rabbit.

"Aw, come on! Yuu!" Lavi just stood there, pouting like a little kid.

"Hey. You still going in there? If you're not, get off the line." the kid demanded, his patience starting to wear out.

Without uttering a word, Lavi pushed his ticket into the kid's hands before running off to his beloved darling best friend. The red-head entered the room of terror reluctantly, staring into the darkness. It was pitch-black; he could see nothing save for the dim lights hanging above him.

The red-head gulped as he quickened his pace, wanting to find Kanda as fast as possible before something attacked him from behind.

"_Boo._"

Lavi let out yet another girly scream of his.

"Jeez, Lavi. You scream like a 10 year old girl." The 'ghost' straightened out in front of him, white tuff of hair visible under the poor lighting.

"Well, yeah that tends to happen-Wait, _no_. It was a manly scream of fear, dammit! And _don't_ do that. You know how much I hate it when people scare me, Allen. It ruins da coolness." Lavi turned and crossed his arms, glowering at said boy.

The British teen shrugged, observing his nails calmly in the semi-darkness.

Lavi sighed, rubbing his temples in frustration. People these days, have they no sympathy? "So hey, have you seen Yuu wandering around here?"

Allen looked up from his nails, looking positively unamused. "You mean an Asian-looking effeminate man with long girly hair, thin and inflexible as a street lamp and has a 'socially-retarded prick' tag pasted on his forehead for life?"

"Uh, yeah. That would be him." Lavi said, coughing into a fist to hide the chuckle escaping his lips.

"Then, yes. He's just standing over there for no apparent reason." The white-haired teen pointed at said person, who was standing a few feet away from them. He was just... standing there, staring off into the nothingness. Or so Lavi thought when he crept up behind him to scare the living shit out of Kanda (that would probably-_obviously_ earn him a punch on his jaw), but paled at the sight of what Kanda was scrutinizing with full concentration.

It was a head. A fucking head, mutilated in all the wrong ways you can imagine. The eye sockets were boring at them were wide and black, the skin all over his can-you-still-call-that-a-head singed and torn apart, fresh blood dripping slowly down his head from the crushed skull just like the melted chocolate Lavi enjoyed just about an hour ago...

"Tch. They did a pathetic job."

Allen, being The Kanda hater, snapped back in opposition. "Well, I think it is creative. How can you not see the way the blood was deliberately designed in that murky texture and the skin was ripped apart-"

"The hell is wrong with you people?! I could have mistook this head for a _real_ one!" Lavi looked absolutely terrified at the way his friends were talking about a dead person's head like they were talking about the freaking weather.

The other duo shared a quick glance before Allen began speaking in a somewhat motherly manner. "_Lavi_... It's _just_ a disfigured head. Be a man and toughen up!" Well, so much for the motherly talk.

"Ugh. You guys are, _ugh_. You know what, I'm outta here."

-

"You guys are so mean!" Lavi cried, tears streaming down his face as Kanda dragged him by the back of his collar carelessly down the creepy hallways, deeper into the haunted house with Allen taging along behind them.

There were ghosts, ghouls and monsters wandering around the place, scaring the living shit out of everybody, but they kept a one meter radius around the trio. Probably because a certain dark-haired teen was sneering, scowling and growling at those who even dared think of touching him.

When they stopped at a turning corner, Kanda felt a hand snaking around his ankle. It just took one intense glare at the crawling figure on the ground to make the ghoul cower and scramble away in fear, screaming for his mommy. This is the most unexciting haunted house in the history of haunted houses, like _period_, Kanda complained internally as he rolled his eyes.

"_BaKanda_. You're scaring all the ghouls away!" Allen chided.

"He fucking _touched_ me. No one fucking touches me."

"Except for me." said a certain red-head, clinging onto Kanda as if his life depended on it. "Because Yuu loves me enough to let me cling onto him like this without having to elbow me in the ribs."

As soon as he said that, Lavi felt a bone-crushing impact on his ribs, knocking the air out of him as he crashed the the ground holding his ribs in pain. "Thanks for reminding me, moron."

"D-Don't mention it." Lavi managed between groans. He blinked. "B-By the way, where's Allen?"

Kanda's dark eyes darted to the side, and Lavi followed his gaze.

"-I love your make-up! It is awesomely terrifying, but unlike your friend there, he or _she_ should reduce her make-up, because it is ruining her or _his_ face, in a pretty bad way." Allen, the gay make-up artist. Commenting on ghoul make-up. Hardy-har-har.

"..._What_." Lavi uttered.

"-Take my advice alright! Hey, don't just ignore me! _Hey_!" The two ghouls who failed terribly to scare dear Allen ignored them and walked away. "Fine, be that way. God, people these days are so ignorant about-" The white-haired teen paused, looking around. "-about...Guys?"

Oh, no. They did _not_ just _ditch_ him.

-

"You sure it's okay to leave him there by himself?" Lavi inquired.

Kanda kept his gaze straight. "The beansprout can handle all those shit by himself."

"You sure?"

"No."

-

"They fucking -oops! Mind your language, Allen-_ facking_ ditched me!" Allen grumbled as he raked his snow-white hair back and forth in frustration. "I mean, how could they? What happens if someone, dare I say it, rapes me or something?!"

"_Guys_." Allen whined. "How could you--" Allen stopped, feeling something cold standing behind him. A shiver snaked down his spine to the pit of his stomach. He turned around, and his eyes widened. "Bloody _hell_. Your make-up is simply horrifying! How did you do it? You've _got_ to teach me!"

Allen reached forward excitedly to get a clearer view at the ghoul's face which was obscured by his or her long dark hair.

The next thing Allen remembered was his scream before speeding off in the opposite direction after seeing _its face_.

-

"I finally overcame my fear for haunted houses! This calls for a celebration!" Lavi exclaimed happily, sticking his tongue out at an artificial decapitated body lying on the ground. "Let's do the _futterwacken_, only without spinning your head around in 360 degrees, cause like, only Johnny Depp could do that. And owls too, wait no. They do 270."

"Lavi, shut the fuck up."

"Did you hear that?" Lavi asked, completely ignoring Kanda. "It sounded something like, like..." He took in a long breath, and screamed like a fucking girl, again. "Like _that_." He pointed out.

"That was _you_."

"_Before_ me. But it was much more _girlier_...Oh noes!" The red-head let out a fake gasp as realization hit him. "It must be our damsel in distress! Don't worry, _Moya-chan_! We'll save--"

A blur of white sprinted past, leaving behind a puff of smoke. They swore they could hear him screaming 'Every man for himself!', seemingly petrified.

Yeap. That was their Allen alright.

They spun around.

Nothing.

Suddenly, they felt something freezing cold rush past. Before they knew, a figure was standing next to them, grinning eerily as hollow eyes stared at them. They couldn't see the face really well. Freakishly long hair was covering parts of its face and the lights were dim.

"_Ha_. You can't scare me,_ bitch_." Lavi beamed bravely. "I am scared-of-haunted-houses free!"

"Uh, Lavi."

"The make-up and costume might make you _look like_ you've crawled out from a grave or something, but it doesn't scare me anymore!"

"_Lavi._" Kanda pressed.

"Yuu, look. I know that this is just a fake or something like that, because there is _no freakin' way_ someone can actually float!"

The figure cocked its head to the side with slight confusion, and moved closer to them. Yes, it really _was_ floating a few inches from the ground.

"I mean, look at it! Can you not see how fake that is? There must be a string attached somewhere..." Lavi tried to grasping for a rope or strings tying around the figure. But all he could find was _lots_ of strands of hair. One thing he didn't like about touching the figure was that it had this _dead aura_ around it.

"Must be some kind of latest technology." Lavi concluded sagely that made Kanda snort. "Or, or maybe just _maybe_, it has t-the..." Lavi paused in mid-sentence. The face of the ghostly figure was now a few inches away from him, placing its cold, wet skinned hand on Lavi's cheek.

"_Lavi...?_" Its voice was hoarse and eerie. Lavi could see the face very clearly now, and he didn't like it at all, not one bit.

"U-Uh, Y-Yuu. I-I know that t-this is v-very f-fake, b-but I think that w-we should probably g-get t-the hell out of h-here."

Silence. _Dead_ silence.

"Y-Y-Yuu?" The red-head slowly glanced behind him; the figure's hand slicking across his cheek.

All he could see was the exit door flinging back and forth at the end of the hallway.

That son of a _chicken_! Yuu totally _walked out_ on him!

"_Stay...?_" Somehow the voice sounded unusually eerier, and Lavi didn't even dare turn his head around to look at the figure, even if someone bribed him with 100k and an all-you-can buffet for _life_. So, he did what he had to do, the brave soldier he was.

Lavi promptly passed out.

-

Gales of laughter filled the security room as Lenalee and her older brother watched the scenario unfold from the haunted house. Komui was in charge of security for this event so Lenalee decided to accompany her brother, because watching people getting the living daylights scared out of them was so much fun!

"Oh dear God. Did you _see_ the way Allen ran? And _God_, Kanda's _look,_ simply _priceless_!" Komui chortled like a retard. "A-And Lavi fainted, just like that!"

"I know, brother! Goodness, it's _hilarious_!"

"We've got to give some credits to the one who scared them." Komui said, wiping a tear from his eye as he pressed the reverse button to locate the 'ghostly' figure who managed to scare the trio. "Hmmm, let's see... Eh?" Komui raised a brow, puzzled.

"What is it, brother?"

"This is strange. Look at these clips." The Chinese man pointed his index finger to the miniature screens, showing Allen screaming out of the blue, Lavi and Kanda standing there looking fearfully at _something_, and another clip where Lavi was touching or grasping _something_ in midair. "They were gawking at no one particularly."

The pig-tailed girl looked at her brother with confusion as fear slowly began to slipped into her heart. "What do you mean?"

"Lenalee, dear." The older brother said slowly. "_No one_ was there with them."

* * *

Failed attempt at horror, yes? xD;;

This story is _almost_ based on the jumble sale I had in school a few weeks ago. (Shun: I GET TO GLOMP MY BELOVED SCARLETFIREZ! =D) There was a haunted house too, well, more of a haunted _classroom_. Minus the part of a real ghost there. Because everytime I go into a haunted house, I would always wonder. What happens if there was a _real_ ghost hidden somewhere in there? :O

REVIEW PLEASE.


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